How to Become Someone a Narcissist Worships & Loves Unconditionally

My father’s eyes lit up as I handed him the gift I brought him.

I saw the way gifts moved him. A childlike excitement came to his eyes to receive a gift. He was a difficult man to buy gifts for, given that he was so taciturn and distant. Usually, I hoped to amuse him.

He unwrapped it: a pair of socks that said, “I hate everyone.”

He burst out laughing. It was funny, but it was true; my father had no friends. He seemed to hate or be bored by most everyone — even his wife, even his kids. The sporadic friendships he’d had didn’t last. Even his relationship to his parents was contentious. As a child, I asked why he didn’t have friends. He said, “Friendships are overrated.”

By giving gifts, I was unknowingly using presents to try to earn the love of narcissists who seemed to innately hate everyone, especially those who loved them most.

And ::spoiler alert:: it never worked.

I never earned the narcissist’s love or respect or accountability. No matter how close I was to them as friends, family, or lovers, they abused me, and sometimes they went so far in their mental collapses in our relationships that there was stalking, physical violence, sexual assault, and attempts on my life.

If I couldn’t earn the love of my parents, or sibling, or any narcissist boss, lover, or friend — when I followed all their rules and gave them generous and repeated forgiveness and unconditional love — then…NO ONE CAN EVER EARN A NARCISSIST’S LOVE.

I say that in the simple fact that I know I spoiled them and showered them with love and empathy, and (though I'm not perfect) I didn’t abuse them, cheat on them, or betray them, yet I suffered repeated traumas, abandonments, and betrayals. After decades of trauma bonding, I finally had to accept that I could never be what narcissists wanted me to be.

I couldn’t base my lovability or worth on how much THEY loved me.

I had to love myself.

Being their scapegoat covered in lashes didn’t make them appreciate me as someone to blame or a place to project their pain.

However…::record scratch::

Narcissists DO have people they worship and love unconditionally.

I’ve lived with them my whole life, and I heard about these people over and over: the PERFECT PEOPLE.

In order to get worship and unconditional love from someone with NPD, all you need to be is…

THEIR FANTASY

Because a fantasy self of perfection needs fantasy friends of perfection and fantasy lovers of perfection and fantasy leaders of perfection in a fantasy land of perfection.