Khloe & Lamar: The Lover Girl & The Man Who Can't Heal
A lesson on how to become the "phantom ex" or "the one that got away"
Lamar Odom, the public heartbreak of Khloe Kardashian, and the “phantom ex” dynamic they represent have fascinated people for years because the story touches something psychologically recognizable: the avoidant, self-destructive man who loses the person who loved him most and spends years circling the wound afterward.
Lamar Odum has even gone so far as to publicly admit that he had to buy a sex doll that looks like Khloe “for his mental health.”
Narcissistic men often become obsessively attached to the woman who they treated the absolute worst who loved them best, especially if that woman is a borderline, as Khloe is, because borderlines in toxic families become deeply loving and empathetic as a trauma response to the social neglect and abuse of being the scapegoat child to a narcissist parent in childhood.
Toxic family dynamics are very common and very recognizable, as narcissists have split thinking, so the way they treat their kids lifelong is determined by the role assigned to them at birth, and it’s clear through the children’s names.
A golden child will always be named after the parent in some way. Lamar Odum has his father’s first name, Joseph, as a middle name. They get Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
A scapegoat child will always be named after someone dead or former supply of the narcissist who they resent. Khloe’s middle name, Alexandra, is a nod to the man Kris cheated on her husband with: Alexander. They get Borderline Personality Disorder.
An invisible child will always be given a common name or a name that’s odd that falls outside of the family naming patterns. In the Kardashian Klan, Kim was the invisible child. The invisible child develops Histrionic Personality disorder.
It may seem ironic that Kim was invisible in childhood, given that she’s the most visible of the bunch, but everything about Cluster B dynamics is ironic.
The golden child is treated as the child who’s perfect and beyond wrongdoing — but they become the most morally corrupt frauds of the family.
The scapegoat child is treated as if they’re worthless and ugly in every way — but they develop the most generous heart, especially towards people who don’t deserve their love at all.
The invisible child is treated as if they’re non-existent — but they grow up to be highly sexual and comedic, commanding attention wherever they go.
Lamar and Khloe showcase the tragic underpinnings of love and betrayal between a borderline and a narcissist, and — as a borderline myself with many narcissists and traumas in my past — it’s very familiar to me.
Lamar recently reunited with Khloe on an episode of The Kardashians, and she was generous enough to participate in his Netflix documentary: Untold: The Death and Life of Lamar Odum.
In every way, his behaviors fit patterns often showcased in narcissistic and avoidant attachment dynamics with anxiously attached, self loathing borderlines — especially denial, idealization after loss, and the inability to emotionally metabolize his shame.
The Hoover: Reunion After Unforgivable Betrayal
In the episode in which Lamar reunited with Khloe after ten years of no-contact, he says, “I love you for trying your hardest with me. That love, I don’t think it’ll ever go away. I know it won’t.”