Letter to My Rapist on the 4 Year Anniversary

“Flash forward to a few years later.
No one knows except the both of us. 
I have honored your request for silence.
And you’ve washed your hands clean of this.”

-Alanis Morrisette

Hi L — 

I contemplated ending this tradition of publishing my personal grief every year on the anniversary of when I spiritually died by your hand. 

It just didn’t seem necessary anymore. 

What words are there to say? We both know what sins I bear for you.

We both know what you did. 

And you know exactly how I resurrected. 

We both know you’ve read all my words to you — you never stopped keeping tabs, never stopped calling from spoofed numbers. You subscribed to the blogs, you bought the books, just as you read my drafts and journals as you stalked me. 

I’ve given you — and you’ve stolen — all the words I have to give you. 

And you've given me nothing in return.

Which is always all you had to offer.

I’ve done my best to tell both our tragic stories, stitching my own amputated limbs as I do so, protecting you and your identity all the while. 

But most importantly, I feel no need for anymore words to you because you’re finally irrelevant to me. 

You finally feel distant to me. 

I finally don’t think of you all the time.