Narcissists & Destiny Swapping
Eventually, the only way the golden child survives is by finding new identities to mirror and siphon.
While in graduate school, I briefly dated another poet I admired. The relationship was suddenly cut short after I explained a poetic theory I had.
To my shock, the theory wasn’t received well — it was received awfully, actually.
I was stunned by how much vitriol it evoked from my lover. I tried to dismiss it — “You’re right — this is a stupid idea. Let’s talk about something else” — but it remained a thorn in his claw. He kept berating me until I went home in tears.
The next day, I was dumped.
The day after that, I saw him in the graduate offices kissing a new girl.
It reinforced my old wound: “What’s WRONG with me? Why am I so dumb? Why am I so unimpressive? What can I do to become lovable and smart?”
As I went to the printer in the graduate offices, I grabbed the sheets that were spitting out, thinking they were mine.
They were my ex’s.
Something stopped me in my tracks: the opening paragraph was the exact same theory I’d offered that he told me was dumb.
So dumb that I got dumped.
But then he stole that idea and meant to peddle it as his own after wrecking my self esteem to ensure I’d never offer that theory to anyone else again.
I moved cross country for graduate school with my little sister. I got custody of her at 16, and a few years later, I asked her to come with me to graduate school.
My sister was my ally in a war that only she and I understood, and I didn’t want to create a home without her being a part of it.
After four months, my sister came into my job while I was waitressing.
“Hey, I’m moving.”
“WHAT?” I nearly dropped my tray. Our rent was expensive, and there was still eight months on our lease.
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“Yeah, I got into college. I’m moving far.”
“I thought you were applying for colleges here?”
“Well, I applied to other ones too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of moving? I can’t afford rent on my own.”
She shrugged, “You should be happy for me. I got a scholarship. And it’s not for art. It’s for poetry.”
“What?” I was so confused that my world felt like it was spinning. “Since when do you write poetry? You don’t even read poetry!”
“I wrote poetry as a kid!”
“You know this is my lifelong dream. You’d think you might of told me you were interested.”
My sister got agitated, “I’m a good writer.”
“I know you are. This is all just surprising. I feel like I don’t even know you. And why are you telling me now, at work? Why not wait until I get home? Now I feel so off-kilter.”
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“Whatever,” she stormed off and left the restaurant as if I was the person who betrayed and abandoned her without warning.
A few hours later, she came back with a peace offering: she handed me a pastry wrapped in a napkin.
My sister knew how to soften me. I couldn’t resist gestures of affection, especially not from her. I told her it was all forgiven, but the shock, confusion, and stress remained.
It was the beginning of the end for us.
She wouldn’t call me or text me again for the next 15 years. It was my narcissist discard, but I didn’t even register it happened. I just kept trying to earn her love back.
When we did speak, she never asked about my life. When I tried to talk about it, she acted like nothing could bore her more than me.
She refused to read my poetry any longer and wouldn’t let me read hers. She said that now that she was a poet, we were in competition.
I took that wound deep: I don’t see art (or anything) as worthy of competition — competition is childish and narcissistic to me. It should be reserved for games and taken in good spirit, and art and life aren’t games. I think we all have things to offer and should be expressing ourselves creatively to be mentally healthy.
But after my first book was published, my sister stopped writing.
What was that? I always wondered. Why did my sister decide to pursue a major that had never interested her in all our lives only to drop it when I succeeded in my goals?
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Both of these examples are an infrequently discussed narcissistic abuse tactic:
DESTINY SWAPPING.
Today, one of the richest and most powerful of black men in the world sits in his jail cell as he awaits trial.
He’s one of the most guilty destiny swappers pop culture has ever seen.
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P. Diddy, one of only a handful of black billionaires in the world, is facing federal charges on sex trafficking, forced labor, kidnapping, arson, rape, and a whole host of other alleged nefarious activities.
On one hand, none of this should surprise us: we should be able to see the patterns of corruption and crime engaged in by those who pursue power and wealth.
Hollywood and our political sphere have narcissistic sociopaths disproportionately represented because narcissists pursue attention and power as forms of supply.
We also saw the released security camera footage in which P. Diddy, donning only a bath towel, viciously beat and attacked his girlfriend, Cassie, as she lay limp at his feet.
On top of that, P. Diddy wasn’t even that well masked as a narcissist: his label is called Bad Boy.
He wasn’t kidding when he told us he was a bad boy.
He and Biggie weren’t kidding when they talked about kidnapping, raping kids, violence, misogyny, or engaging in activity that the feds would pursue.
2Pac Shakur was vocal that P. Diddy was the one responsible for shooting him, and people have believed for decades that he was primarily responsible for the unjust murder that stole a poet like 2Pac from us.
Rappers Mase, 50 Cent, and Eminem, as well as the group Danity Kane, have all been vocal about P. Diddy’s hypocrisy and abuse. Mase’s response to P. Diddy’s arrest was that “reparations are finally here.”
Indeed, they are.
P. Diddy shows the fatal flaw of the pursuit of destiny swapping, and he reveals the devastating pain and trauma that such a pursuit leaves in its wake.
Wait, are we sure that P. Diddy is a sociopathic narcissist?
Yes, positive.
His domestic violence alone reveals him to be a person lacking emotional empathy. Narcissists always delude themselves that they have empathy, but it’s only cognitive — emotional empathy would prevent abusive behaviors. We determine if someone is sociopathic by their behaviors, not by their self definitions.
Because all narcissists will tell you that they’re basically perfect: it’s a disorder of delusion and denial.
Diddy was exceptionally guilty of this delusion: the last time he changed his name and demanded the public call him something new, he decided his name would be “Brother Love.”
There’s nothing brotherly or loving about a pwNPD or ASPD. They turn on those who love them. They scapegoat, abuse, and reject authentic love in the same breath that they adamantly assert that they are God’s chosen and the most loving people of all.
One way that sociopathic behavior reflects this is their targeting of children: you don’t get more authentic than a child’s love, and narcissists are guilty of extreme child trauma.
Nearly all sociopaths are also pedophiles due to their low emotional development and their desire to ensure that no child can grow up to be “better than them.” They ensure they spread their trauma to create more narcissists suffering like them.
P. Diddy’s narcissism is also easily uncovered through the narcissist naming pattern. Narcissists are created through golden child abuse from narcissistic parents, and ASPD occurs in families in which both parents had NPD. (Narcissists actually attract to other narcissists more than anyone else, so this isn’t uncommon, especially in America, in which ASPD is estimated to be a public health crisis incomparable to anywhere else in the world due to our horrific histories of generational trauma which include racism, sexism, and genocide).
Narcissists name their golden child after themselves — the only person in the world who they think is perfect.
The golden child is supposed to be an extension of themselves and exists to supply the narcissist parent’s sense of grandiosity, normalcy, and goodness. They have children for live-in supply to regulate their emotions and play out their fantasies.
Narcissists then will be Jrs, have rhyming or mirrored names, have matching middle names to the parent, or have the parent’s first name as a middle name. Sometimes, they’ll have different names with the same meaning. The latter is the category P. Diddy falls into.
His name is Sean, which means “God is gracious.” His mother’s name is Janice, which means “God is gracious.”
This also explains why P. Diddy commits domestic violence against women. His unprocessed despair that he’s seeking to rectify through supply is that he wants to be able to punish and control women as revenge for what his mother did to him in childhood.
This also reveals why P. Diddy changed his name so often. This is a common thing that narcissists do. While not a hard and fast rule, I knew quite a few narcissists who went by initials, or went by their middle name, or changed their name entirely or change their name frequently.
In fact, a lot of celebrities who are Jrs. do this. Eminem (Marshall Mathers III) and Snoop Dog (Calvin Cordazar Jr.) and Travis Scott (Jacque Webster II) are a few who have changed their names or created alter egos. (Anybody remember Snoop Lion, the short-lived Jamaican identity he created?)
P. Diddy began as Puff Daddy and recently instructed that he be called Brother Love, naming his youngest daughter “Love Sean” — the next generation narcissist.
So, none of us should be surprised that Diddy is unmasked to be a monster: the signs were all there. He wasn’t even trying to hide it much.
Yet it becomes very difficult for those of us with empathy to imagine the behaviors of sociopaths. I was raised as scapegoat to sociopaths, and even I am regularly shocked by their secrets. My empathy ensures that the behaviors of sociopaths feel revolting to me to even consider.
Why do narcissists INSIST they’re obsessed with love and deeply loving people when their actions show that they spit in the face of love and lack emotional empathy?
It’s simply because they see how powerful love is.
They’re phobic of love because of its power.
They recognize that their lack of it is their Achilles Heel.
So, like anything else with a narcissist, rather than admit vulnerability or defect, the narcissist lies to themselves and creates a fantasy that they can live with.
They’re not only loving: they are THE BEST at love. They are LOVE ITSELF. They are God’s CHOSEN.
They need to convince people around them that this is true, because all power is only illusion, so they can only maintain the illusion if people around them believe they are worthy of power and will submit to them.
They frequently use violence as a means to control people who refuse to believe their pathological lies — everyone else, they charm and bedazzle with their mask of perfection and entitlement.
WHAT IS DESTINY SWAPPING?
As part of the disorder of NPD, narcissists lack a stable identity.
THEY HAVE NO SELF.
NO SELF AT ALL.
Self aware sociopath M.E. Thomas described this lack of self as if she is dark matter in the universe. She can’t see herself and feels no sense of existence. The only way that she exists is in how OTHERS REACT TO HER. That’s the only confirmation that she does exist.
Narcissists, being denied any sense of unique identity from their parents, had their emotional development stunted by cognitive dissonance — the back and forth between abuse and being spoiled by their narcissist parent.
They were instructed that the only acceptable identity to have was to be their parent’s mini-me, but they had to accept their lesser role as well. Any deviation from mirroring their parent is met with PUNISHMENT.
And the punishments that narcissists fling are rooted in instilling shame into their supply, as shame is toxic and life-threatening to the brain, especially a child’s underdeveloped brain, which is too vulnerable to cope with such despair.
The reason why histrionics (invisible children) and borderlines (scapegoat children) are able to develop a self is because we have no dissonance. There’s no period of lovebombing in early childhood. There’s no back and forth between abuse and spoiling. Scapegoat children are always ALL BAD. We grow up internalizing that idea, but we are free to become our own person. We aren’t meant to mirror our parents and attempts to are not taken well: we are reminded always that we aren’t good enough to aspire to that. We are stunted to high school development. High school age is generally when our traumas come to a huge head. For example, I experienced the suicide of my first love who had ASPD. I’ve felt like I was 16 ever since.
Invisible children always bore their parent and experience neglect as if they are ghosts in the home, or they’re abandoned entirely. They, too, are free to develop a unique identity, but they are stunted to middle school development due to long term emotional neglect.
The golden child, like a vampire, is cursed to never age past early childhood.
BUT…
The source of their entire identity is regularly stripped from them as their abuses increase throughout life. The narcissist parent splits the child, like they do everyone, in early childhood, and the devaluation of the golden child gets worse the longer they remain enmeshed. The golden child is collapsed to suicidal thoughts every time their parent swipes their identity from them and tells them they’re all bad.
Eventually, the only way the child survives is by finding new identities to mirror and siphon.
They make friends, usually with other cluster b children who have attachment and enmeshment issues, and they begin to copy them.
The narcissist, without any empathy or developed conscience or self, needs people to tell them right from wrong, good from bad, attractive from unattractive.
They have no idea about who they are. The only things that are unique to them are their secrets and shames, which are rooted in an unprocessed anger that narcissists feel ashamed to admit exists.
Narcissists will dress like supply, they’ll adopt their opinions, they’ll engage in their hobbies and interests. This is why supply often feels they’ve met a soulmate.
You’d think this should be a flattering thing — I often believed that when friends copied my style of dress or my hair color or validated my opinions that this was a compliment.
But it’s NOT.
It’s an attempt at IDENTITY THEFT.
DESTINY SWAPPING.
Because the narcissist never wanted to be your twin or your equal or your mini-me — just as they didn’t want that with their parents.
THEY WANTED TO BE THE BEST IN THE WORLD.
All powerful. Entitled to everything they desire.
They wanted to be BETTER THAN their parents or their supply.
They want supply to BOW TO them.
So, what begins as flattery or envy of supply eventually turns into COMPETITION.
The narcissist not only wants to take your identity as their own, they feel a need to defeat you in their performance of your identity.
But a copy can never defeat an original.
For a sociopath, this is when they become murderous and intent on destruction of supply.
M.E. Thomas, in her memoir Confessions of a Sociopath, describes this phenomena.
She describes how she once met a professor who walked into a room and had an aura like the sun. Everyone adored her.
Her response to this professor was that she wanted to figure out how to design her persona so that she had that kind of power and influence over people.
She began to stalk the woman to figure out her secrets. She eventually broke into her office and got a hold of her journals, only to find that this woman was simply an authentically good person.
She wasn’t acting.
This made her irrationally angry. She had no idea why she felt this way, but she soon became OBSESSED with destroying the woman.
She felt the only way to preserve the ego wound she endured at discovering that this woman wasn’t masking was to soothe herself by proving that she had the power to hurt and traumatize this woman.
She remarked that she frequently targeted empaths for this abuse, and she was bewildered at how resilient empathetic people were. She didn’t understand how her traumas on them didn’t drive them to suicide.
She was wholly unaware that this is because we have the ability to process shame, or because empaths are not “perfect” or “normal” people (there’s no such thing as normal — it’s narcissistic fantasy): we’re people who were raised as narcissist scapegoats, so we’ve been skilled at suffering extreme abuses from those we love since childhood, and our empathy is how we process, forgive, and even survive trauma.
Narcissists can’t understand that. Without empathy, they’re trapped inside themselves. They can never understand anyone’s different experiences.
The case in point goes back to M.E. Thomas: when someone discovered her stalking of the empath professor, she was flabberghasted at how quickly ostracized she was. She became angry: she believed wholeheartedly that everyone stalked.
She didn’t understand the notion of boundaries and respecting privacy.
Like a baby, she went where she wanted to go and did what she wanted to do, and if someone’s home wasn’t baby proofed, she was going to stick her finger in a socket or go tumbling down a staircase and cry about it.
And in addition to the stalking and abuse of her target, she also decided that SHE would become a college professor, and that all she had to do was imitate all the mannerisms of the professor with BPD she obsessed over harming.
Destiny swapping.
A part of destiny swapping is not just imitating someone whose power and destiny the narcissist thinks they deserve, it’s also ensuring that the person whose destiny they seek to have is unsuccessful in their goals. This can go as far as murder, and I’ve personally experienced attempts on my life or extreme violence in regards to this.
Because if that person were successful, then they would very easily be “better than” the narcissist.
The original is always better than the copy.
(Even though no one is better than anyone else — we’re just different with different brains, experiences, and trauma responses. Narcissists have split black/white thinking, so they can’t conceptualize equality. Their biggest fear is someone being better than them. Their fantasy is to be the golden child again, but with no abuse).
Real love and empathy comes from the divine — it’s a god force.
Fake empathy is low vibrational — it’s the temptation of the false idol. It leads all people who fall for it on a path straight to Hell.
The person faking empathy is already in Hell — and they always will be if they don’t heal.
P. Diddy is a shameless destiny swapper.
His biggest target — a man who is never put in comparison to P.Diddy in talent, because his talent is so revolutionary that it’s in a league of its own — is borderline and genuine empath 2Pac Shakur.
Nearly all friends and associates — even those who eventually went on the outs with him, like narcissist Snoop Dog — describe 2Pac as a genuinely good person.
That’s obvious. Anyone who sees otherwise lacks empathy and lives in delusion and projection.
2Pac’s goodness is in his poetry, in his raps, in his interviews, and, most importantly, in his actions.
While narcissist rappers remain focused on material things, crime, fear (like homophobia and sexism) and sex, 2Pac was rapping about his mother’s struggles in “Dear Mama” or women’s rights and oppression in “Brenda’s Got a Baby.”
Even after being shot and collapsed to create a song in a Borderline Rage, “Hit ’Em Up,” all the songs that followed that focused on forgiveness, like “I Ain’t Mad at Cha.”
2Pac’s famous quote, one that I believe in as well as a borderline, is “Never revenge — let them learn.”
This was always instinct for me: never stoop to the behavior of the oppressors.
Never use the master’s tools to dismantle the master’s house.
Only fools do that.
Scapegoat children of narcissists are always named after former supply of the narcissist, an old enemy of the narcissist, or someone who died tragically.
2Pac was named after a revolutionary who died tragically. His father who abandoned the family was named after his father.
2Pac’s power and celebrity were yoked with his light. He exhibited a bravery to stand up and be outspoken against those in power, especially those abusing their power.
He wasn’t a saint or perfect person — no one is — but he was a good person and a true poet with genuine empathy. And a lifelong narcissist scapegoat.
As such, he was a scapegoat in many ways.
He wasn’t only shot by people whose careers he helped — more than once — he was tried and imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit. Sociopaths in the government found his love and stardom to be a powerful threat too. 2Pac has stated that while in prison on phony charges, he was repeatedly raped.
(Narcissists always want the success and power that scapegoats have, but they could never handle the things we endure to become who we are).
This is a common experience for narcissist scapegoats— we often have repeated rapes in our history, because rape is a tool of violence that sociopaths use when they fear you may have exceptional power or a loving nature.
They use it to temporarily subdue your power through trauma, in the hopes they can permanently wreck your dreams.
This is very successful actually, because many rape victims end in suicide.
However, for a lot of scapegoats, myself included, the repeated rapes remind us of our worth and cause us to increase our drive.
The abuse BACKFIRES.
2Pac said in an interview that he said to his rapists, “Remember this when I come up. Remember this lack of compassion you had. The next guy isn’t going to have the empathy for you that I’ve had.”
Today, investigations into 2Pac’s murder at 26 years old point right to where 2Pac pointed decades ago: at P. Diddy.
Destiny Swapping.
It’s obvious that P. Diddy wasn’t happy with the money or business success he already had at the time of 2Pac’s death. He wanted the FAME.
As a producer in the 1990s, he appeared in the music videos of nearly all his artists, and insisted on being featured on their tracks, often just as background vocals saying “Yeah,” “We won’t stop,” and “bad boy.” Eventually, he launched his own solo career as a rapper.
P. Diddy is never even a part of the conversation around greatest MC’s of all time. I’ve also never met a single person who said that P. Diddy was their favorite rapper.
This is even more apparent as he faces a host of charges. Most sociopaths — such as Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, or Michael Jackson — had delusionally loyal fans, despite mounds of evidence of their crimes.
P. Diddy has next to no one. I see very few people online defending him.
Not only that, every single one of his friends in high places are remaining as silent as the dead regarding his criminal charges.
His best friends — Jay Z and Beyonce — who Diddy described as “the only person allowed to call me Sean other than my mother,” is acting as if they never knew each other at all.
Oh, how the mighty fall.
This is why destiny swapping — even if temporarily successful — is destined to always fail.
You can’t build a castle on a bed of quicksand.
“Now it’s all about Versace, you copy my style. 5 shots couldn’t stop me, I took it and smiled. Now I’m ‘bout to set the record straight. With my AK, I’m still the thug that you love to hate.” -2Pac
2Pac told us before his death that Puffy and Biggie (The Notorious BIG is also a Jr.) were mirroring him and lying about their true horrors.
The things that Biggie and Puffy obsessively accuse of others in their music is exactly what they were: disloyal and envious haters.
But narcissists turn on each other too.
Predators are low vibrational: without a self or empathy or access to their emotions, they have to run in packs. They have to siphon their entire identity off of others and they need flying monkeys to defend their fragile egos.
So, narcissists often bond and commit unethical acts together.
However, it always goes exactly how it went with their parents.
Idealization — lovebomb — devalue — discard.
P. Diddy has exhibited this with every narcissist he’s been enmeshed with.
Mase, who is named after his mother like Diddy was, (narcissists tend to attract to people who have the most similar unhealed wounds that they do), famously walked away from Bad Boy to become a pastor at the height of his career, saying that Puffy was leading him straight to the devil’s work.
P. Diddy’s own fame rode in on the coattails of his two most charismatic and talented artists — Mase and Biggie. (They were likely his lovers too — sociopaths are always bisexual, and their homophobia should be seen as confessions — what a narcissist really fears is themselves. Diddy’s bisexuality has been exposed in his charges, as well as his drugging and rapes of men).
Diddy even had a hoover and another discard a few years after Mase’s retirement, in which Mase tried to return to Bad Boy as a “clean” rapper.
Biggie also seemed to have beef with Diddy before his death. He’d asked 2Pac to represent him, suggesting a rift between himself and his right-hand man. 2Pac declined and assured Biggie that Diddy would make him famous.
Then Biggie was mysteriously murdered at the height of HIS career.
Right after, P. Diddy released his most successful song ever: “I’ll Be Missing You.”
Destiny swapping.
Notice, since narcissists have no self, their creativity often involves nepotism and plagiarism. Diddy’s entire career as a producer centered on sampling songs from the 70s and 80s and his proximity to charismatic and talented poets.
2Pac, like he predicted when he discussed the possibility of his murder, has lived on in his art.
You can kill a person, but you can’t steal someone’s genuine destiny.
And Diddy’s consequences now are the direct result of his diabolical attempts to steal others’ talent and successes.
Only a very insecure and weak man would do the things he’s done in the name of things that aren’t even real, like money and power.
2Pac was always authentic, and so were his words. That can’t be stolen, even if someone tries and is temporarily successful.
Narcissists try to survive by simply designing a false self and worshipping their own ego rather than ever looking at or addressing their wounds. I’ve even seen it in coaching.
It’s pretty common that narcissists sign up for coaching, and I genuinely believe they want healing. They’re often forthright that they sometimes think they have NPD.
But looking in the mirror is about as impossible for them as a vampire facing a cross.
Instead, they try to mimic healing. They try to mirror their way to healing, to temporary self love through crafting a new fantasy self.
They want to be empaths, they seek to understand how to have that power, and they begin to try to emulate it. They’ll insist repeatedly that they have BPD or they knew abusive people diagnosed with BPD (which is possible: narcissist women especially are misdiagnosed in high numbers, because they show up for treatment in collapse states of self loathing and they pathologically lie) despite their behavior being in direct opposition to BPD trauma responses. Often, they claim to have a lot of trauma but NO trauma responses.
All cluster b’s have things in common, such as trauma bonding, addiction, being born of NPD parents, suicidal ideation, mental collapses, and severe depression, but we have distinctly different, even opposing, trauma responses too and we’re stunted at different ages of development.
When the narcissist starts to catch wind that their own fantasy isn’t real, they simply try to gaslight you to convince you and themselves that you’re the problem. They need supply to believe in their fantasy for it to feel real.
I cannot tell you how many people in my life have tried to gaslight me just on the basic definition of empathy or convince me that my empathy or feelings don’t exist at all (their projection).
They try to gaslight my understanding of my mental health, when they can’t even begin to understand their own.
I want to SCREAM: “You’re not going to heal by crafting another false self and designing it after me! You can’t heal without facing the TRUTH.”
This is why I eventually decided to no longer coach pwNPD. They’re as pathologically dishonest with themselves as the rest of us. (I also don’t think I should have to coach people who have the disorders which have nearly taken my life. Victims shouldn’t be tasked to heal their perpetrators. But I understand that with no empathy, they never consider that).
Nothing can be changed until it’s faced. The truth is the thing that sets us free.
I had to face my own shadows and uncomfortable truths too. I dislike shame as much as anyone else. The only difference is I CAN process shame. I can also logically dismantle it.
Most often, shame is a lie anyway. The things we are ashamed of are things we shouldn’t be ashamed of, like being born a woman or not having a perfect figure.
Trying to sidestep confronting shame and reality to heal is like having a massive tumor you need removed, but getting treatment for HIV instead.
It. Doesn’t. Work. Like. That.
But trying to convince a narcissist of this is an exercise in futility and madness. I’ve tried so many times in so many ways, gently and with deep, genuine compassion. I don’t blame people for their mental illnesses they didn’t ask for. I’d give anything to help heal my family members and other beloveds I’ve trauma bonded to and lost to this illness.
I know their healing would also save many victims and their children.
Yet it simply becomes a tug of war in which I’m trying to hold on to reality and my truth, while they’re trying to take my identity from me and gaslight reality.
While I have many signs that tell me when I’m talking to someone with NPD, a very common one from those who meet me through my writing is that they eventually start asking me advice about writing. They want to discuss tactics about blogging, poetry, or book publishing.
When that happens, the true motivation behind their attraction to my work is revealed.
They don’t want healing. They don’t want love. They don’t want to stop trauma bonding.
Destiny Swapping.
What they want is what the narcissist has always wanted:
A FANTASY SELF.
AN IDENTITY THEY CAN WORSHIP.
Part of the reason self awareness is usually so impossible for narcissists is because they have no self to be aware of.
So, they find someone who they see has something they want: intelligence, talent, respect, beauty, money, creativity, clout, etc.
And then they craft themselves in a nightmarish parody of that person and begin to compete and plot, nurturing their hatred and rage at their parents as they do so and redirecting it at supply.
At the same time, every negative thing about themselves is what they convince themselves is their supply’s traits. They project onto them. The hatred grows to a hellfire inferno until their demons possess them.
Then the narcissist reveals who they really are:
A Ghost.
A Person with a Dead Inner Child.
They want what all ghosts want: justice for what killed them.
They wander for the same reason all ghosts wander: they think they’re still alive.
They can’t find their way to the light to escape reliving the horror of their childhood again and again.
So they find you: the horror and the haunting begins.
Their goal is to leave you as just the husk of a corpse after they consume your heart, costume themselves in your identity, and role play in the destiny that is rightly someone else’s.
But don’t fear the destiny swappers:
Diddy shows how someone hosting with the opulence of a Gatsby party ends up small, disgraced, and alone — forever tainting their own legacy.
There’s a very simple secret weapon that protects you from your destiny being stolen, even if someone steals your life.
Be light.
Light has the power to make darkness vanish, to make demons cower.
Like a star whose light has long burned out, genuine light remains and lingers long after we are gone.
Refuse to host the parasite — learn how to walk away before they attach and start to drain you.
Love them from a distance.
Forgive them from a distance.
Pray for them from a distance.
And let every attempt to steal your destiny be met with more conviction.
Understand that they’re teaching you your worth and take your rightful destiny back.
Remember: your haters are your biggest fans.
Someone who commits intentional harm, pathologically lies, and never takes accountability or apologizes isn’t a monster to be feared.
They’re cowardly.
When you turn on the light — your inner light — there’s no monster there.
There’s actually nothing there at all.
The narcissist was always no one.
They’re confused and angry children to be pitied.
You don’t even need to worry about their karma: they’re already damned.
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My memoir, This is a Story About Ghosts: A Memoir of Borderline Personality Disorder, is now available on Amazon.
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For individual coaching to recover from narcissistic abuse, BPD, or sexual assault, visit https://am-champion.com
If you’d like to support my writing, hit the clap, check out my books, or Buy Me a Coffee.
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A.M. Champion is the author of Hunted Carrion: Sonnets to a Stalker (KDP, 2024), She Saints & Holy Profanities (Quarterly West, 2019), The Good Girl is Always a Ghost (Black Lawrence Press, 2018), Book of Levitations (Trembling Pillow Press, 2019), Reluctant Mistress (Gold Wake Press, 2013), and The Dark Length Home (Noctuary Press, 2017). Her work appears in Verse Daily, diode, Tupelo Quarterly, Prairie Schooner, Crab Orchard Review, Salamander, New South, Redivider, PANK Magazine, and elsewhere. She was a 2009 Academy of American Poets Prize recipient, a 2016 Best of the Net winner, and a Barbara Deming Memorial Grant recipient. She has degrees in Behavioral Psychology and Creative Writing.