Two Reasons for the Sudden Discard from a Narcissist
Stop staying up all night wondering what you did wrong.
Let’s keep it 100: as long as you hate yourself and you provide necessary supply, a narcissist is too codependent to discard you.
Your supply can be scapegoat supply (someone to blame) or golden supply (someone to adore them) or surrogate parent supply (someone to take care of their basic needs), but if you provide and you’re self-loathing and prone to either denial, fantasy, or chronic forgiveness/lack of boundaries/self harm (self abandonment), then they could stay with you decades.
Narcissists have the longest relationships to their scapegoat supplies and surrogate parents: these are often other narcissists, so they’re seeking revenge and control that they couldn’t get from their childhood through that person.
They’re playing out their Oedipal and Electra complexes through them, and if they have children, they’re heavily codependent on abusing and controlling their kids, so they can relive their childhood trauma as the ones in control.
They’ll spend years distracted from self reflection or growth by offloading heavy generational trauma into vulnerable children, and their kids come out of childhood more in line with having been released from a long hostage crisis or child trafficking (literally — we often have sexual trauma from narcissist parents or step-parents).
But the narcissist discard is a real part of the abuse cycle that happens frequently.
There are two types of narcissist discards:
The Sudden Discard
This happens when things are going WONDERFULLY and you idealize them to the max and have treated them well.
The Not-So-Sudden Discard
This happens when it’s obvious that there’s little fuel left in your supply: you’ll no longer have sex and you’ll likely rarely even have conversations. You may have even exhausted therapy and given up on hoping for happiness or a loving relationship. You’ll have wondered if YOU should leave for a long time.
When the not-so-sudden discard comes it’s because your supply has run out: they’ve upgraded you to a new model.
You were always an OBJECT to a narcissist: they don’t emotionally connect to people internally, so you eventually become an OLD toy.
If you don’t abuse them back, they become extra TIRED of you, because you’re like a dead mouse to a cat. You don’t make them feel the thrill of the chase or the hunt anymore. Even hating you just gives them more shame to unload.
So, they get new and shiny supply and put you out for their garage sale with a sign that says, “Free — barely used.”
