What Borderline Personality Disorder Looks Like Behind Closed Doors

In general, what most people think when they unknowingly meet those who have Borderline Personality Disorder are "normal," "empaths," or "sweet."

We even evoke envy--much to our shock--from narcissists we trauma bond to.

Narcissists design their masks after scapegoats--because scapegoats are targeted for harm based on envy and competition--and borderlines were raised as scapegoat children to one or more parents who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so we attract to each other instinctively because we feel like family.

Borderlines are loyal, loving, empathetic people who see the good in everyone.

We're pretty naive about people's malice, envy, and ill-intent before we awaken to our trauma bonding habits.

Even then, we can stay naive for a long while.

I began understanding I was trauma bonding and revisiting my relationships to narcissists in therapy for about 5 years before I actually started to stop trauma bonding and began to recognize the red flags of abusers and how common NPD and ASPD are at the age of 40.

I started therapy at 18 years old, and I even attained my own degree in psychology, so it goes to show you deeply persistent my denial was and how much my autism handicapped me in trusting people's innate goodness.

I had to get burned MANY TIMES before I realized that those who burned others had mental problems and that I was not at fault for my own harms and abandonments.

Despite being raised by cruel parents, I chose to believe they were RARE and UNUSUAL and I was, perhaps, mysteriously unlovable.

A common feature I've seen with many borderlines who come into self awareness and healing is a NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE at the hands of a sociopath.

A DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL.

Before healing or self awareness, some borderlines (like all Cluster B's) can look like we have our shit together: straight A's in school, respectable careers, always on time, a large friend group, creative pursuits.

We can also find ourselves in a hot mess express of a life.