What Love Means to a Narcissist
Narcissists believe they feel love, so what exactly do they mean when they say that word?
I was standing on my balcony smoking with my new friend: the new maintenance director of my apartment.
I’d gotten to know him as he repeatedly came by to fix a mysteriously dysfunctional water heater; now he had the habit of smoking a cigarette with me from time to time when he saw me outside.
We were talking about his best friend, a maintenance worker who moved with him — his friend was unkempt, and I frequently saw him at the dumpster emptying out his truck, FULL of beer bottles.
“Have you been hanging out with Matthew? He seems so depressed every time I see him.”
“What? No, Matthew is NOT depressed.”
“Well, he feels like he is.”
“What do you mean, he feels like he is?”
“Like, the vibe I get when I talk to him is depressed.”
He looked at me quizzically a moment, “No, he’s not depressed. He’s got INSOMNIA. He stays awake all night, and instead of doing the smart thing like smoking a joint, he just gets drunk and it winds him up.”
(What a narcissist accuses is always confession, because they pathologically project. I’d later discover that this man was an alcoholic).
“You don’t think alcoholism, insomnia, and depression are linked?”
“No.”
“Well, I beg to differ.”
“It’s going to get better for him: I’m giving him one of my puppies.” One of his five dogs had recently had a litter.
“Oh good, that’s what he needs: something to love.”